Fidelity, The Chief Cause of Divorce
Last night at the Tap, four of us got into a discussion about sex (how surprising). This conversation started as a comment on the ease with which I had gotten onto the topic with two girls at the bar earlier in a failed attempt to fix my friend Brett up for a one-nighter. Either girl, I think, would have entertained the idea, but Brett got side-tracked wandering off on some Puritanical rant which sunk the boat before it left the harbor. ( Nobody there cared if he respected himself in the morning). Even he admits he talks too much on occasion, and this was definitely one of those occasions.
By the way, Elin, who joined us later, offered the opinion that strange women are willing to engage in remarkably intimate and revelatory conversations with me because I'm non-threatening as a potential sexual target. If so, I'm willing to wear that brand of sheep's clothing as long as it keeps working.
Meanwhile, back to our sex discussion, which somehow turned to the subject of sexual fidelity, in or out of marriage. I pointed out that countless surveys show that between 75% and 85% of men, and 65% to 75% of women, haved engaged in sexual activity outside of their marriage, which many claim has led to ridiclously high current divorce rate.
It is my contention that infidelity doesn't cause divorce, but rather the unreasonable expectation of a monogamous ideal in a species which has clearly demonstrated no ability to live up to it. Robert Heinlein wrote some great sci-fi depicting utopian societies without the marital stresses that the monogamous ideal imposes. The expectation of fidelity leads to jealousy, possessiveness, suspicion and eventually betrayal. As an accepted practice, infidelity would lose a lot of it's forbidden allure. It's similar to legalizing marijuana, taking away the illicit nature of the transaction makes it easier on all concerned, and might even lessen the occurance by making it not so daringly attractive.
Before you accuse me of being a self-serving lecher, let me simply confess to it. I admired Clinton's creative response to his accusers that BJs don't count as sex, ergo he wasn't unfaithful. He was a great president in my opinion, but unfortunately even he couldn't sell that one. Just think of the wonderful sense of freedom we'd have if NOTHING sexual counted. Then we'd have to feel guilt about more important things, like not treating our spouses and partners with the kindness and consideration they deserve. Watch what would happen to the divorce rate in THAT kind of society.
It might also lighten the stranglehold organized religion (which uses control of sexual instincts as a rigid keystone) holds on our lives, and we could stop killing people in it's name. Make love, and lots of it, not war. Gee, that sounds familiar.
Later.
Last night at the Tap, four of us got into a discussion about sex (how surprising). This conversation started as a comment on the ease with which I had gotten onto the topic with two girls at the bar earlier in a failed attempt to fix my friend Brett up for a one-nighter. Either girl, I think, would have entertained the idea, but Brett got side-tracked wandering off on some Puritanical rant which sunk the boat before it left the harbor. ( Nobody there cared if he respected himself in the morning). Even he admits he talks too much on occasion, and this was definitely one of those occasions.
By the way, Elin, who joined us later, offered the opinion that strange women are willing to engage in remarkably intimate and revelatory conversations with me because I'm non-threatening as a potential sexual target. If so, I'm willing to wear that brand of sheep's clothing as long as it keeps working.
Meanwhile, back to our sex discussion, which somehow turned to the subject of sexual fidelity, in or out of marriage. I pointed out that countless surveys show that between 75% and 85% of men, and 65% to 75% of women, haved engaged in sexual activity outside of their marriage, which many claim has led to ridiclously high current divorce rate.
It is my contention that infidelity doesn't cause divorce, but rather the unreasonable expectation of a monogamous ideal in a species which has clearly demonstrated no ability to live up to it. Robert Heinlein wrote some great sci-fi depicting utopian societies without the marital stresses that the monogamous ideal imposes. The expectation of fidelity leads to jealousy, possessiveness, suspicion and eventually betrayal. As an accepted practice, infidelity would lose a lot of it's forbidden allure. It's similar to legalizing marijuana, taking away the illicit nature of the transaction makes it easier on all concerned, and might even lessen the occurance by making it not so daringly attractive.
Before you accuse me of being a self-serving lecher, let me simply confess to it. I admired Clinton's creative response to his accusers that BJs don't count as sex, ergo he wasn't unfaithful. He was a great president in my opinion, but unfortunately even he couldn't sell that one. Just think of the wonderful sense of freedom we'd have if NOTHING sexual counted. Then we'd have to feel guilt about more important things, like not treating our spouses and partners with the kindness and consideration they deserve. Watch what would happen to the divorce rate in THAT kind of society.
It might also lighten the stranglehold organized religion (which uses control of sexual instincts as a rigid keystone) holds on our lives, and we could stop killing people in it's name. Make love, and lots of it, not war. Gee, that sounds familiar.
Later.
posted by Papa Bill | 5:44 PM
8 Comments:
Bill, I think you need go over to my blog and read the posts in the Category "Sex, Gender and Marriage". I think we would agree on almost everything.
I do talk too much, and often out of sex, but I genuinely feel what I was saying. Plus, I don't think that I had much of a chance anyways, with our two beautiful female friends showing up for dinner with us. It was more fun that way anyways.
Hmm. Heinlein also advocated sex with mommy and/or twin female clones of oneself as long as there was no fear of offspring...
Interesting theory, Papa Bill. I bet the human race will never get there.
:)
I wrote a post to you/about you over at my place.
As always, I enjoyed the conversation. I admire your forthright style and your honesty at the same time that I am somewhat taken aback. Perhaps if we could all be as open and honest as you, it would be a different world -- maybe not better, maybe not worse, but certainly different.
Oh Papa Bill - you clearly dither and dather here and there - at least in your fantasies. You get away with much! Dallying around is not necessary when two respect each other to keep the homefires burning and you don't skimp on the s'mores!
Many in Europe were laughing at us at being so hung-up on Clinton's sexcapades. In their view, it made him all the more virile and powerful.
I agree with most everything you said...except the rate of infidelity seems inflated. Maybe in Hollywood!
Hey Bill--The chat at the Tap was very enlightening. I had a great time and I must agree infidelity does not cause divorce. I also believe that if more of us were as open and forthcoming (even though sometimes I'm told--and you probably are too--that more information than was necessary was given)I find it a freeing experience. Who needs those skeletons in one's closet, anyway? Not me. I'm off to read the other blogs re: your rant.
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